Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
