well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
