eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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