Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
