he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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