I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Rumble strips road head = magical
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
