Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
