The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
