and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize