So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
