theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
