I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There r osticjed everywhere
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
