4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
