OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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