Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
