I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She is in my trunk
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
