dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We have started to decorate penises.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
