Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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