Don't make out with my wife yet
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were trust falling into bushes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
