I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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