Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
