How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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