woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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