i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
