Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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