I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
