question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
