Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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