she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize