Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
this hospital has no fireball
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
