I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
