I looked at my own cervix.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
