I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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