why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
