he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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