Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
