drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
