I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
