jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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