I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
did you just send me my own nude
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
