Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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