I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
