My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
