I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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