We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize