Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
