youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
