I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
