The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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