I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
