guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
