Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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