He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
