i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
