I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
