pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
