Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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