she was so not down for the gang bang
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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