you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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