I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
