too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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