Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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