I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
