Plan B is the new Plan A
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize