Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I would fuck him just for his dog
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