textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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