Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize