I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
