i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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